Narcissists And Sleep - Narcissisms.Com (2023)

If you’ve been close to a narcissist, you’ve probably noticed some strange attitudes and behaviours towards sleep.

Over the years I’ve noticed many reoccurring themes when it comes to narcissists and sleep. As with most things, even sleep isn’t simple with narcissists!

By understanding narcissists’ attitudes to sleep, you better understand their mindset. And the more you understand their mindset, the more empowered you are.

You’ll see through their games. And understand the strange behaviours you perhaps stopped noticing. Also, it’s good to know you’re not alone when experiencing the things narcissists do.

So, here we go. Here’s my observations of narcissists and sleep. See if you recognise any of these quirks…

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Most narcissists need lots of sleep. This may be related to alcohol or drug use. Because most drugs and alcohol sedate you with long term use.

Another reason they sleep a lot is avoidance. Sleep gets them out of doing things. If they’re asleep, then they’re unavailable to help with the mundane chores life throws our way. Like getting children ready for school etc. But the biggest reason narcissists need lots of sleep is the mental toil of trying to be impossibly perfect.

Narcissists crank up extreme pressure on themselves to be perfect. They have delusions of superiority they MUST maintain. So they worry about making the most minor mistakes. Which turns simple activities into stressful ordeals. You’ve probably noticed that narcissists can make opening a packet of biscuits look more stressful than assembling a wardrobe!

Instead of letting go and conceding “defeat”, narcissists cheat, lie, or drag others down, to kid themselves they’re perfect. It’s YOUR fault they dropped that biscuit!

Their relentless pursuit for perfection must be exhausting. Mainly because it’s a battle they can’t win. And with the nervous energy they expend fretting and worrying, it’s no wonder they need lots of sleep.

Narcissists snarl like hibernating bears when woken up. This is usually for a combination of one or more of these reasons…

Narcissists struggle facing reality. Because deep down they know they’re not superior, and they’re not perfect. But their fragile ego refuses to admit this.

It pains them that the universe conspires against them. And refuses to acknowledge their greatness. So they may sleep for the same reasons they use drink and drugs. To escape reality.

In the inner world of sleep, narcissists are masters of their destiny. THEY call the shots. And even if things go wrong, it was only a stupid dream anyway. And no one’s around to witness it.

Narcissists also get angry when woken due to control issues. As I’m sure you’re aware, narcissists like to control others. But shudder at the thought of anyone controlling them. Especially their nearest and dearest. In their mind, someone waking them has asserted control over them. And dragged them, kicking and screaming back to reality. How dare they.

Another reason narcissists anger when woken is energy preservation. Narcissists seem aware of energy as a commodity. And they like to preserve their energy for the important things in life, such as partying and impressing their adoring fans. So they’re also angry at you for “stealing” their energy. It’s their place to steal yours. I’ll talk more about this later.

Narcissists seriously believe they’re elevated above ordinary mortals. And to prove this, some pretend to sleep less than they actually do.

Some claim they’re an insomniac. And they may seem convincing, even when you live with them. But when you observe them, and add up how much they actually sleep, it often paints a different picture.

Some narcissists briefly wake up in the middle of the night, and find ways to prove they were awake. They may wake you up to tell you they’re awake. Or post something on social media, knowing it has a time stamp. Of course they neglect to mention that they went back to sleep ten minutes later. Zzzz.

Not only does this prove their superiority, it gains them sympathy. Poor baby can’t sleep! And it gives them an excuse to shirk their responsibilities. “Not today. I barely slept again last night.”

Many narcissists are night owls, and prefer to sleep during the day, and stay awake at night. Particularly narcissists who drink or take drugs.

Narcissists don’t like to admit they have a drug or alcohol problem, because that would be admitting they’re flawed. So they often stay up late to hide their dependencies. Here’s an example of how they do it…

My ex would often stay up until 6am drinking. Then sleep most of the next day. I would have to wake her before her daughter returned home from school. But to most onlookers, it wouldn’t appear she had much of a problem.

If she had her first drink by 7pm, well that’s not too uncommon these days. But it IS uncommon to drink 3 hours after waking up!

Sleeping most of the day allows them to turn to their poison of choice soon after waking. And continue long after most rational people fall asleep. In their minds, and other peoples, their lifestyle appears within the realms of normality. And they can do what they want, whilst maintaining their carefully cultivated wholesome public image.

Sleeping most of the day also excuses them from life’s responsibilities. Like getting children ready for school. Or traipsing round the supermarkets. Because by the time they’ve got their sh*t together, it’s usually too late.

Some narcissists go to bed early and wake up early. Particularly those who don’t drink or take drugs.

These narcissists are usually the “whollier than thou” narcissists. Who wake up mega early, and chastise anyone who doesn’t do the same.

The narcissist has the attitude of, “I’m up, so everyone else should be.” And look down their noses at those weaklings still sleeping at 7am.

And sometimes they put themselves under enormous pressure to get up early. Just to prove a point.

Although most narcissists like their sleep, they don’t like others to sleep. At least not when they’re awake.

They may deliberately disturb you. Or ridicule you. Or even tell you off, just for sleeping. Leaving you feeling guilty, just for having a normal nights sleep. There’s a few reasons why they do this…

The first is that you’re no use to them when you’re sleeping. Narcissists like to have people around them, just in case they need something. And if you’re asleep, what use are you?

Narcissists also have unquenchable thirsts for attention. And they need almost constant validation of how great they are. If you’re asleep, then you’re not giving them the attention they richly deserve. Remember, you’re here to serve them!

As I mentioned earlier, narcissists are aware of energy games. And they like to deplete their loved ones energy, whilst preserving their own. They do this because tired people have less fight on them. And are more controllable.

So they play the game of disturbing their partners sleep, whilst maximising their own. And this energy game extends to other areas of their life too.

Narcissists are often reluctant to buy labour saving devices if they benefit their partner. They may also cause trouble when you look like you’re relaxing. And if you drift off to sleep in your chair, expect a prod to wake you. Or something equally as annoying. Here’s why they like you to be tired…

Narcissists like to play the energy game for a couple of reasons. First, it preserves their delusions of superiority. They know they have a performance advantage if you’re tired and they’re not. And they can make you think it’s YOU that’s lazy, and not them.

And because you’re so jaded, you can’t think straight. Which temporarily knocks a few points off your IQ.

Narcissists often have abandonment issues. And prefer their partners to be too tired and anxious to explore the world. That way they’re more likely to stay safely ensconced at home, where they can keep their beady eye on them.

As with most things in life, narcissists like to milk the act of sleeping for personal gain. This is how deeply they think about gaining unfair advantages.

Many narcissists seem to attach currency to sleep. They want to be seen as someone who doesn’t need much sleep. Because in their mind this elevates them above the rest of humanity. So many play the game of sleeping lots, whilst pretending to sleep little.

Narcissists place a high value on their sleep. But not on yours. In fact they may deliberately sabotage your sleep.

Narcissists know that if you’re tired most of the time, you’re less likely to do things for yourself. And more likely to stick around in a zombified and compliant state. Plus they like you to be awake to give them attention and do things for them.

You can probably expect a narcissist to go ballistic if you accidentally wake them. In fact you may tip-toe carefully when they’re sleeping, because of past conduct.

But hypercritically it’s OK for them to deliberately wake you. Even for spurious reasons, such as a supposed “joke”. As with most things in life, narcissists have a different set of rules for you than they have for themselves.

Sleep seems to be both an enemy and a friend to a narcissist. It’s their best friend when they’re sleeping. But when you’re asleep, it’s their bitter rival.

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